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Crazy Beautiful Journey into Bipolar

For those who don't know, Bipolar Disorder is a mental illness caused by drastic emotional changes. You can suddenly feel very happy (mania) and then very sad (depression). The slang is mood swings.


It took time and courage for me to be able to write about my journey of becoming a bipolar. Not because mental health issues are a trending topic anymore. More precisely because 5 years ago, right on this day. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I with Rapid Cycling after passing a series of tests from 3 different doctors.


Although many have asked to share my journey. But there are 2 reasons that have been holding me back. I don't think everyone should know, because it could be a boomerang for me. Moreover, I have a husband and 2 teenage children who are growing normally.


And I also don't want them to be judged by others because of the wrong "crazy" stigma. They are my 24/7 support systems. I love them so much and I will not let anyone hurt them. So before anyone hurts them. I have to be mentally strong first. So, here goes my Crazy Beautiful Journey into Bipolar.


Mental Health Issue is Not a Trend


Comparing the time when I was diagnosed with the present. It was a mix of flash back, happy and sad. Happy, because it's finally not a taboo subject to discuss. Sad, because many people misinterpret it and self-diagnose. For this reason too, I finally got the courage to speak up.


Looking back. In the past, it was the most painful. Many friends thought I was crazy or had multiple personalities. Just because of the wrong stigma that has been circulating so far and the lack of knowledge.

menjadi bipolar disorder 1 with rapid cycling

Face 6 days into treatment

How does it feel to be Bipolar or ODB (Person with Bipolar)?


First reaction. Shock and sadness. It was unexpected. I found out at the age of 35 too. When the children were becoming teenagers. But as my husband said, "It's not the end of the world."

Honestly, it's not easy to go through those times. The first 6 months was like hell. Every day someone had to accompany me at home. Whether it was my husband, my parents or my best friend. I was forced to ask my children to be moved to my parents' house first, because I didn't want them to see their mother sad.


Furthermore, I had to take medicine 3x a day with a high dose. The goal is to stabilize the hormones seretonin, endorfin and dopamin in the body. And this treatment period occurs for 3 years. It feels, beuhh can't be explained in words. Moreover, I am the type of person who does not believe in medicine. Apparently, the war against yourself, is more difficult than the war with others.


The most difficult thing is being a person living with Bipolar. The stress level is the same. Luckily, I was handled by doctors and a support system that was extremely patient and never left me during relapse and healing. They all have faith in me.


I pray for them everyday for giving me love, reasons to laugh and most of all ... HOPE. My husband, my children and my parents are the strongest reasons for me to survive. Because I want to always be with them. Especially seeing my children get married one day.


Being Bipolar Can Live Without Medication


Like the flu virus or allergies. Being Bipolar Disorder will not go away as long as I live. But I can prevent it by avoiding the triggers, changing my lifestyle and having a healthy mindset. Step by step I changed one by one. Take medicine as recommended by the doctor. Slowly my symptoms began to disappear. The dose of medicine was reduced. Until finally the doctor gave me the stamp of approval to stop taking medicine.


Yes, I am living proof that people with Bipolar Disorder 1 with Rapid Cycling can live a normal life without drug dependency.

Alhamdulillah on this day, I haven't taken medicine for 2 years. I feel so happy and proud. Apparently, Bipolar disease is not as severe as Cancer, Aids and other severe diseases. But also should not be underestimated. Because it can be a silent killer that endangers lives. In fact, by being able to get through it, it turned out to have a lot of good effects on my life. I can understand from all sides. Want to be from the side of a sick person, a normal person let alone being a freak. I can do it all. And that's what makes my life becomes Crazy Beautiful.


Learning to Appreciate Life


I don't regret for whatever happened in my past. Because it shaped me to who I am today. Without changing who I am. But making it a better version of me. Alhamdulillah, today I am blessed and happy in so many ways.


Don't make your mental illness an obstacle in your life. But make it a daily reminder that God loves you. Also make it a motivation, if your life is useful. At least for those who are always there for you. And those who have the same disease as you.


No need to feel ashamed, let alone afraid. If you feel any symptoms. Immediately go to a psychologist. Find a psychologist who makes you comfortable, because he will help you heal. If you have to seek treatment, the psychologist will refer you to a psychiatrist. Never skip medication. If you skip, you have to start all over again.


And most importantly, stay away from toxic friends because they will hinder your healing. Never feel like you are alone. Because a good friend will never leave you. Especially God. Rest assured you can get through this. Hopefully my writing can provide insights and hope for those of you who are struggling right now. Let me know how you feel.


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